Falling To Pieces {Open Thunderclan}

Willowtail blinked as Ivystar padded in. She had two kits of her own in there. Before Hawkeye died she used to help watch over them when she had duties to full fill. But the past two days she hadn't been very helpful. As the water soaked moss was set down beside her she stared at it for what felt like several minutes but was only a few seconds. "Oh, thank you Ivystar, and I'm not very hungry maybe you or your kits would like it?" She nudged the piece of rabbit to her leader. Turning back to the moss though she drank greedily. Hunger she could push away but her thirst she couldn't.

When she lifted her head it was dripping with water. She swiped her tongue around her mouth than rested it back on her front paws. She felt her kits kick her knowing they must be as hungry as she. Finally she reached a paw out and dragged it back to her. If it weren't for her kits she wouldn't eat but she wouldn't make her little kits starve. Sighing she stripped a chunk of meat off and swallowed it practically whole. As soon as the first bite past her stomach she began to realize just how hungry she was and quickly finished the rest.

She would eat and drink and continue to live, not for herself but for her kits. They deserved a chance at life. And she wasn't going to steal that from them. Someday she and Hawkeye would be reunited and when that happened she didn't want to hate her for not living when they had kits to care for. She wouldn't be like her father who hunted for death.

"Ivystar, how did you survive loosing your mate? Does the pain ever go away?" Willowtail looked up at her with un-shed tears in her eyes making them look watery. She wanted to hear the pain went away. She had to know that eventually this pain this wating to die to be with him would eventually go away.

WC: 342
Tagged: Breezy

Willowtail looked up at Ivystar, hope was beginning to build up at the thought that the pain would eventually go away with time. But when she began to speak her bubble was burst as the truth was told. The pain would never go away just dull a little. Her eyes dulled, "oh," she sighed softly. Willowtail looked down at the ground as he continued to listen. Just like Willowtail Ivystar realized her kits needed her.

Finally Willowtail gave a week smile, "yes I'll always have my memories of him and me. And remember when I told him I was pregnant he was so happy. He would want me to stay strong for them. But it's not easy. Hawkeye was my world, and my kits will never know their father. That hurts me more than anything. That these kits inside me will never know who there father was or how much he loved them already. He would have been a great father.... as would have Lionfang."

Willowtail wondered why such great toms died before their time? Someday she would know the answers to all of her questions and find out why Starclan took Hawkeye from her before his time. When it came her time she had hell to raise to find out why they stole her kits father from them and her mate. "Yes you are right I can see Lionfang in your kits as well. I hope I'll be able to see Hawkeye in some of our kits." She imagined seeing Hawkeye in her unborn kits.

WC: 256
Tagged: Breezy

Willowtail was surprised when Ivystar spoke of love again. She shook her head vigorously. Never could she love another. Hawkeye was her mate, she would never have another mate again. Not until she joined Starclan at least. The day that happened she and Hawkeye would be together again. Willowtail couldn't understand how Ivystar could even think about ever having another mate again.

But part of what Ivystar said was true, Hawkeye wouldn't want her to mourn for him forever. He would want her to be happy and someday love again. But she just couldn't think about that yet. It was to soon. At last the tears started to run down her muzzle. She had been able to keep them in since she saw him being dragged into camp. But they had finally fought there way out. She let out a low moan, she would give anything to bring Hawkeye back. Oh how she missed hearing his voice and seeing his smile.

Willowtail looked up at Ivystar with tears still streaming down her face. "I don't think I can go on without him even for the kits. I miss him so much Ivystar. It's like there is a hole in me now that he is gone. How can I be the mother I need to be for my kits when I can barely stand living without Hawkeye?"

Part of her looked forward to the day when the pain wasn't so bad. When it became dull enough for her to go on. To think of him and not start crying. She looked up at the room of the nursery and wondered if he was watching her right now. If he knew how much she missed him and wished he was here.

WC: 289
Tagged: Breezy

Willowtail swallowed trying to choke back her tears. But it was no use they continued to pour out. She could no longer hold them back. Next thing she knew Snowkit was beside her nuzzling her. He was such a sweet kit and reminded her of his father. "When did you become so grown up?" She purred softly though it sounded kind of chocked up. The thought of telling her kits all about their father both cheered her up and saddened her. "Yes when ever I look at you I can see your father in you and I know he would be very proud of you and Rosekit." Even though she was sad and depressed she thought the two kits should know that their father would be proud of them.

Standing up she stretched her legs. They were stiff from sitting with out moving for a couple days. She bent her head and licked Snowkit's head. "Who knows maybe you and my kits will become friends and train together someday." She purred softly. She doubted that he would probably be a warrior by the time they became apprentices. Who knows maybe Snowkit would mentor one of them. "Actually you might be one of their mentors." She purred softly.

Willowtail was feeling better after talking to Ivystar and Snowkit. She had shut herself off since he died afraid to let anyone in and do depressed to eat or move. Though she was still very sad it wasn't as deep or heart wrenching as it had been before.

WC: 255
Tagged: Breezy

Willowtail's leg's wobbled slightly for a second as her legs where stiff. She shook each one in turn. With in seconds they starting feeling like a thousand tiny thorns where running up and down her legs. They had barely moved and now they had a bunch of blood rushing through them waking them up. Once her legs stopped feeling like thorns where poking them all over she stepped towards Snowkit and nuzzled him. "I hope my kits are as sweet as you." She mewed softly.

At the offer to walk around camp with her Willowtail nodded. "Yes I'd like that, besides I'm still hungry after that bit of rabbit." Bending down she took another drink from the moss Ivystar brought her. She really was still thirsty. Once her thirst was quenched she raised her head and shook it to rid of the water that clung to her fur.

WC: 148
Tagged: Breezy
Notes: Sorry my muse is low for her right now.

Willowtail put on a happy face and did what she thought her kits needed her to do and what her mate would want her to do. But that didn't mean she was any where near getting over his death. How she wished Hawkeye was here with her now. She would give almost anything to see his smile once more. She had already begged Starclan to give him back. But that didn't work. Until the day she joined him in Starclan they would be apart.

"Yes I must continue on for my kits." She mewed softly. Willowtail smiled softly at her leader and friend. "Yes and now your here for me thank you." Willowtail was almost ten moons older than Ivystar. She had watched her grow up from kit to apprentice to warrior to deputy and finally to leader all before she was thirty moons old. Starclan must have some special plans for her.

As Willowtail stepped out of the nursery she sighed as the week rays of sun hit her pelt. It felt good to have the sun on her once more. She raised her head and looked up at the sky wondering if Hawkeye was watching her right now. Did he know how much she missed him. So much so that if it weren't for the kits she might try and find away for her to join him? But she did have the kits and she wouldn't leave them parentless like her father did to her and her sister.

It was only than that what Ivystar fully said hit her. She looked to her and flicked her leader's ear. "Don't worry you won't loose me and neither will my kits. They need a mother. I'll be all right in time." Her voice was nearly a whisper at her last two words.

WC: 302
Tagged" Breezy